The Superhero In Me

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May 162012
 

(c)2012 Emi Watanabe Daines

I saw The Avengers over the weekend and mentioned how much I enjoyed it on Facebook. One of my friends replied, asking which Avenger I would be, if I were a superhero. It is an interesting question. I think there is a desire to be a superhero in all of us.

Where did the concept of a superhero come from? Mankind has looked for help to solve overwhelming problems since before the ancient days of Greek and Norse mythology. Now, we love a good superhero story, people who have superior strength, special powers or crazy-good skills that can protect us from the “forces of evil”, no matter what form they take. It makes for great cinema.

However, what forms do superheroes take in real life? Who do we look to in times of trial to carry the load for us? There aren’t any mythologically endowed men and women flying around in special suits or tights. We have to solve our own problems.

The heroes we look to in real life wear a policeman’s uniform or a doctor’s coat, carry a teacher’s textbook or a mother’s first aid kit. The superheroes of today are all of us, quietly doing our jobs, helping and improving wherever we go. Yesterday, I watched my wife work with a child to improve her ability to speak clearly. How does one measure the impact this will have over the coming decades? We call her a speech therapist, but to this little girl, she will be a superhero who changed her life forever.

We may trade a few paper and coins for these superhero services, but it doesn’t really represent the impact on the lives in the long term. Small acts of kindness do more to “save the world” than any mythological, heroic effort. There isn’t a Bat Signal to call in a superhero; we must watch out for each other. Every day, we need to be aware of those around us and find a way to lend a hand. When we do something for someone else, it may be a small effort for us, but because the other person can’t do it for themselves, it is a Herculean task from their perspective.

I initially answered my friend that I would like to be Tony Stark/Ironman because he has all the wonderful toys. Since then, I have been rethinking that choice. I think I would more likely be Agent Phil Coulson, the man in the dark suit who facilitates for all the others. He doesn’t have any special powers beyond a cell phone, no super abilities beyond calm, determined purpose. It is he who brings the egos together and provides the catalyst melding others into a team. Agent Coulson is my kind of superhero. He just quietly gets the job done.

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Burning the Candle

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May 092012
 

I am often accused of burning the candle at both ends, sometimes even “in the middle, around the side and up the back” as Redd Foxx said in the old TV show, Sanford and Son. Sometimes, though, my problem is not even lighting the candle. I have good intentions, but somehow can’t quite get started and let things lie for months.

Last month, we took a trip to San Francisco. On the last day, we were in Mountain View, killing time by wandering around the shops in downtown before heading to the airport. One fascinating shop sold all sorts of items for Eastern religions, like Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism. Denise found a candle holder she liked about the same time I found some Chakra candles. I really liked how one smelled, so decided to get it.

Since we have returned, I put the candle on a small table in our bedroom. Every morning as I am putting on my shoes and socks, I would smell the candle and think how nice it would be to actually light it. A month later, I still haven’t lit it. So why not? What is so hard about lighting a single candle?

The more I thought about this candle, the more I realized it is a metaphor for many of the things in my life that I just don’t quite get around to doing. I recently watched The Bucket List, a delightful movie about two elderly men, both stricken with terminal cancers, who decide to live out all the dreams on their lists before they ‘kick the bucket’. It was then that I realized I had to light that candle before I kicked the bucket.

Letting perfection be the enemy of good

My wife often says I am too much of a perfectionist. She is right, of course. I have a drive to do everything perfectly. I don’t know where this comes from, but I know it can drive me crazy. I will plan something interminably so that I won’t do it wrong. The problem is that planning and doing are very different things and one can only help the other so much. Several times over the last month I had planned on lighting the candle, but realized that I needed to make come sort of foil insert in the holder in case the wax dripped. I mentally designed several different methods of folding the foil so that it not only did the job, but would be attractive. I had elaborate origami folds going on in my mind about how to make a square piece of foil fit into a cylinder and become circular at the top… Oh, good grief!

Look for blocking tasks

Often when I don’t get started, it is because there is some task that is subconsciously blocking me. Usually, it is a small task, like the foil being in the kitchen and the candle being in my bedroom. And where did I put the matches? I allow tiny things like this stop me from all sorts of tasks I want to accomplish. I have a shop that needs cleaning, but since I am not sure where the broom is located. Perhaps it is a small purchase the needs to be made and I never remember when I am at the store. It goes on forever. Sometimes I have to just stop and analyze what task is blocking me from starting. Once identified, I can then focus on that particular task and do it. Then the rest becomes easier to get started.

Just make a move

One of the hardest things for me is making the first step. I am paralyzed by just getting one foot in front of the other. Once I get started, finishing is easy. Cleaning the shop would only take 5 to 10 minutes. All I have to do is start sweeping. My mother would ask me when I was a kid, “Are you waiting for an invitation?” I have found putting the task on a list and making that empty check box stare at me can help me get started. Other times I just have to get into action mode and suddenly starting one task leads to a bunch of them getting completed – starting one makes it easy to start another. Just getting started makes everything fall into place.

Leave room for spontaneity

Occasionally, I have to quit planning and be spontaneous. A few years after we were married, Denise challenged me to do something without planning it to the Nth degree. I realized then that I didn’t know how to just do something without laying it all out. I have worked on this since then, but I still have trouble being spontaneous. Something as simple as going for ice cream can be a paralyzing planning session for me. It is rare that I can surprise my wife, but every now and then, I do it. Just pick something and do it. Don’t plan it, design it or “begin with the end in mind.” Just get moving and see where it goes.

Just Do It

Nike had the right idea with this ad campaign. Just do it. Don’t wait around for the perfect set of conditions. Don’t wait for the sun to shine, the stars to align or the foil to be made into the perfect wax basin. Just light the candle! Strike a match and leave the consequences to another day. Take a risk and see what happens.

I love watching a candle burn. It is very relaxing and peaceful. This one smells really nice, too.

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Slaying the Vampire

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May 072012
 

I am under vampire attack! I feel like Buffy the Vampire Slayer sometimes, as I am constantly on guard against these insidious creatures of the night. They attack when I least expect them and suck the life right out of me. I wish they would sparkle distinctively like Stephanie Meyer’s vampires for quick recognition, but reality is they are often the shiny objects that lure me in. I’m talking Time Vampires, those things in life that steal the most scarce resource we have and yet have no control over – time.

What is a Time Vampire?

Time vampires are everywhere. They are activities that take more time than we would like to spend. Television, video games or even daydreaming are some common Time Vampires. I’m not saying the act itself is bad . That is a whole other argument. These, and many other activities, easily get out of control without our realizing just how much of our life they have consumed until it is too late. I know when I sit down to play a video game, time seems to speed up and evaporate. The next thing I know, it is 3:00am and the rest of my week is shot while I recover from a lack of sleep.

Silently, these vampires suck away our lives, leaving us disappointed in ourselves and destroying the ability we have to accomplish bigger goals and ambitions. We have to constantly be aware and on guard. Some of these vampires can even be disguised as things we usually consider to be good, like reading, paying bills, yard work, cleaning or cooking. If it gets out of hand and keeps us from accomplishing a higher goal, it is a Time Vampire.

Recognizing a Time Vampire

Time Vampires are not easy to recognize. I wish they sparkled when brought into the sunlight. They don’t appear in front of us in swirly black capes in pointy teeth, either. They often can’t even be recognized directly, but only by their effects, sometimes over long periods of time. This is why they are so difficult to identify. If we don’t arrive at a goal when we think we should, too often we shrug and say, “That’s life.” However, it could be that we have allowed a Time Vampire to deflect our course along the way.

First, we must know where we want to go. I believe Louis Carroll summed it up best in Alice In Wonderland.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don’t know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn’t matter.

If we do not know where we are going, we will never recognize a Time Vampire deviating us from our destination. To identify a Time Vampire, we have to evaluate every activity we do and ask if it is moving us closer to our goal.

The second question is ask how much time it takes to do the activity in relation to how much it should require. For example, paying bills is a Vampire for me. I enjoy the analysis just enough that hours can go by in a blink. Vampires come in all shapes and sizes. What is a Vampire for me, may not be one for you. Gardening is not a Time Vampire for my wife, but it is for me. She loves it and I don’t, but because I love my wife, I participate. I will get on a project for her and time will get away from me and the next thing I know, I have lost an entire day. It isn’t wasted time, just spent completely on activities that don’t contribute directly to my personal goals. I’m not saying am not saying I should never help my wife, just need to be aware of what I am not getting done as a result so we can judge a compromise.

Guarding Against Time Vampires

I wish wearing a garlic necklace would help ward off a Time Vampire. It isn’t nearly that easy. The most important thing is to have that firm goal in mind of what we are working toward. Once we suspect a Time Vampire is in play, start keeping track of the time it takes to the the various activities of the day. Before starting something, decide how much time is going to be allowed for the task. This evaluation needs to be done regularly as Time Vampires can creep quietly in and take over. Weekly reviews are made to help us identify Time Vampires. We not only review all the tasks and projects we are working on, we spend time evaluating our goals and plans. We should constantly question whether the tasks and projects are moving us toward those goals. Once we have found a Time Vampire, we then have to develop a plan on how to eliminate or at least contain it.

Becoming a Time Vampire Slayer

Just as vampires don’t like wooden stakes or crosses, Time Vampires don’t like awareness. Once we know something sucks our time away, we can consider alternatives. Coming up with different ways of eliminating each unique Time Vampire can be a lot of fun. The more creative, the better the solution may be. Remember, everyone is different, so my alternatives may not be acceptable for you.

When I identified bill paying as a time vampire, I decided to automate as much of it as possible, using electronic bill pay options. I automated bill paying to the point I have very few bills to manually pay each month. I use a checklist of expected bills to quickly work through the bills and be confident I haven’t forgotten one.

Another option is outsourcing. I outsourced lawn mowing to my kids. For Christmas, I outsourced one of my wife’s Time Vampires – housecleaning. I hired a talented woman to spend a few hours every other week to do the deep cleaning so my wife can spend her time on other activities. It was a little expensive, but we haven’t regretted it once.

Another technique that works for those things I still have to do, like email, is the Pomodoro Technique. I set a timer for 20 minutes and focus intently on clearing as much as possible during that sprint. The timer helps me stay on task, keeping the Time Vampire from distracting me into long deviations. This technique also helps me get through tasks that easily wipe out an entire day, like cleaning the garage. If I focus for 20 minutes over several sessions on consecutive days, it actually takes less time than one long, daylong session. Breaking big tasks into smaller ones keeps the Time Vampire in check.

What are some of your Time Vampires? Share them in the comments section. It may help the rest of us identify ones we haven’t recognized yet. How did you find them? What works to keep them at bay? We all need to stick together to guard against Time Vampires.

If you find this post of value, won’t you please share it with some friends? I want to help as many people as possible and could really use your help. I appreciate every link or a retweet. Thank you!

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